Top Jokes from 2008 Espy’s

The 2008 Espy’s aired on Sunday night and I must admit that I was not expecting much from Justin Timberlake. I found the show to be absolutely amazing and thought his delivery was superb. I think that he should be the host for life.  I was laughing the entire night. Here is a list of the one liners that I particularly enjoyed.

• Right up front I’d just like to personally thank Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots for all the cameras tonight and there are so many of them.
• I heard this whole theater was built using Shaquille O’Neal’s bricks.
• There was all that talk about Kobe needing Shaq to win a championship. I couldn’t help but notice that the Boston Celtics didn’t need either of you.
• Dialogue With Paul Pierce:

JT:Paul (Pierce) how you feeling tonight? How you feeling, be honest.
Paul: Good my knee alright
JT: Really the knee’s good? Cause…(acts hurt)

• Eli Manning was Peyton’s little brother. Now its ELI MANNING. That’s right. I mean what a year this guy’s had right: Won the Super Bowl and finally got to see a woman naked! Congratulations. Its cool isn’t it.
• Rodger Clemens couldn’t be here tonight… or the next 5 to 10.
• Ladies, (whispers) David Beckham is here. I repeat: Becks is in the house
• Dude (David Beckham) I gotta give you props. You single handedly made soccer this much more popular. Good for you bro.
• I call it soccer everybody because in America we already have a game that dudes play called football. I’m just messing with you (Beckham). He’s so cute.
• Excuse me for a second you guys I gotta do something. Aaron Rodgers get up for a second. Dude its cool. Its cool. (Hugs Aaron Rodgers)
• Tiger Woods couldn’t be here tonight…cause he was trapped under a pile of money.
• David (Beckham) may I smell it (his foot). Yep smells like 250 million dollars to me!
• I just want to remind everybody but especially Brett Favre that if you exit the theater you must get your hand stamped or they will not let you back in this place.
• Its Brett Favre. Oh my God! It’s the real live Brett Favre. Dude what is going on? What have you been up to? I haven’t seen you anywhere lately. Just chillin? Me too, just chillin.
• Dialogue With Greg Oden:

JT: Greg (Oden) give me a GJT: No Greg. The Note G.

Greg Oden: Certainly

Greg Oden: G

• Rapping and Pretending to be Tiger Woods:

I talk the talk, but I know how to back it

Steve Harvey ain’t got this many green jackets

Major coming up and I ain’t even in it

A perfect chance for a white guy to win it.

• Reggae song as Paul Pierce:

When I hurt my ankle, I mean my knee

I was headed to the hospital

But I came back and we won it because anything is possible

It’s the top of the world, where anything is possible

That’s why I Love Sports

With Garnett Muppet: (crying noises) ANY THING IS POSSIBLE

Here are the jokes by someone other than Justin Timberlake:

• Ray Allen after Celtics won the Espy for best team: Another win in LA (Camera shows Derek Fisher with a look of death on his face)
• John C. Reilly and Will Ferrell listing demands for ESPN to fulfill for the two to host the Espy’s
  • John C. Reilly:
    • I want to ride Secretariat attached to a chariot.
    • We want to party with Rodger Clemens and we want him to remember it.
  • Will Ferrell:
    • 18 holes with Tiger woods on the moon. We’ve seen the commercials don’t tell me it can’t be done.
    • After the show I want Greg Oden to tuck us in and tell us stories about the old days
    • If ESPN really is the network they claim to be, you’ll deliver. But who are we kidding?
• Jason Taylor on auditioning to be the host: Honestly, I’m just doing this to annoy Parcells.
• Greg Oden on why he would be a good host: People tell me I’m hilarious and I’m like, “Yeah…cool”
• Will Ferrell accepting Tiger Woods award: People are always asking me, Tiger, uh , how do you do it? And my answer is: Shut up. I ask the questions around here. I’m Tiger Woods. I’d like to thank my sponsors: BFGoodrich Tires, Beacon’s moving and storage, Little Debbie’s snack cakes, Tab - yes they still make it, only for me, Daewoo which I believe is some type of car, Tychonderoga pencils #2 and #3 but not #4, those are ridiculous. What can I say I’m the best in your face goodnight.